so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
