Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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