Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
