They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
