I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Sorry my hands just texted you
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
