Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(605): View more from South Dakota

I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan

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(618): View more from Illinois

I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after

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(713): View more from Texas

We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.

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(618): View more from Illinois

That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.

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