dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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