Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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