Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
