Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
