I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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