How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
