2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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