so that wasnt chicken after all
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
