Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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