I like my sex mixed with concussions.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize