I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
