We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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