Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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