wanna go halves on a baby?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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