They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
