32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
