I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize