is your mom at the bar?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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