my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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