Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
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I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize