I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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