We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
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