I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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