I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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