GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize