You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
