So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
