The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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