Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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