Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
