Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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