yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
