she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
