So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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