dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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