I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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