I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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