I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
