why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize