I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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