I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
