Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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