Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
