This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
