and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
