I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I need moral support for this bender
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
