The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
wow bdsm is so cute
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
