Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
