now i know why i became what i already was.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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