Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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