I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize