You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
