Are we in a gay sports bar?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
