I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
