Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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