Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize