had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
