I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
