pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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