I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
