Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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